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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in un*fucking*real's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 5th, 2009
12:55 am
Ramblings of a madperson
Sometimes I feel like I wont ever get over him. A dream, a picture, so many things...they just wont let me. How fucking pathetic am I? Beautiful, smart, everything.... and yet I feel like fucking nothing without him. WHY? I know I'm better than that. He's with some ugly fucking hoebag now..."trying to make things work." But why? I dont fucking understand. Why do I feel so incomplete? I have to mourn the death, and a loss of love, all in one year and I think its more than I can handle. At least he is alive though. Perhaps I will be with him again. I surely cannot say the same for Troy. FUCK. I cry for Troy often. I guess all the pain that led him to do what he did managed to stay here on earth with his loved ones. That kinda sucks. I'm just so full of frustration and hurt and so many other things I dont know what to do with. The stupid thing is, I know I have it easy. I have somewhere nice to live, I really dont have to work, I have a car, food, nice clothes... and yet I contemplate killing myself often. I know it takes more courage not to, so I dont. Plus I have already seen what it does to the loved ones of the person. I couldnt bear to do that to those I love, even if I didnt have to be alive to see the aftermath. I just wish..... I dont even fucking know what I want. I am so confused and lost, and here I sit waiting for answers that will never come.

Current Mood: cold
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
9:44 pm
Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
5:33 am
I havent written in forever. Sometimes I need to just write. Even if no one reads it, I can just get it out of my mind. K.
Lifes blah..things are kinda slow. 21 and barely enjoying it. I dont even feel like writing now.
Friday, January 13th, 2006
9:56 am

i wonder what happened to everything that once was.

strange how things turn out.
Sunday, August 28th, 2005
1:45 pm
havent written in here in a really long time.

hope you all still have me on your friends list.

so yeah.

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Image hosted by Photobucket.com

my hairs really long, and dark

i need a haircut

Thursday, April 28th, 2005
1:10 am
school stresses me out real bad.

so i photoshoppy pictures to amuse myself.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Sunday, April 10th, 2005
1:16 pm
Saturday, March 12th, 2005
10:27 pm
For clarification, I'm in NY.

I frolicked in the snow today for the first time in years.
It was fucking magnificent.

the cold might have bitten my fingertips and eaten my face off, but it was SO FUN.

roundtrip flight.... cant we just make it a half circle?

i just dont know sometimes......
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
8:37 pm

Thursday, January 27th, 2005
11:16 am
my laptop owns you.
also, best buy does price matching, to my surprise and pleasure,
so it went on sale this week,
and I get back the difference =)

I'm in class. Half paying attention. Oh well...
School is good lately... my "break" semester is going very well.
Got an A- on my first creative writing paper
and a 100% on my first spanish test.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. ;)

p.s. sorry I was late, I just got done taming this wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
3:00 am
I have a headache and I feel gross but it was a really good day.

Got the present I've been hoping, dreaming, wishing, and dying for.


Thursday, January 6th, 2005
1:43 am
Friday, December 24th, 2004
3:58 pm
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
12:05 pm
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
7:44 pm
Thanksgiving in Boca:
+ got my truck tinted
- my dad hit my truck
- my dad got the wrong bumper.. and had it put on.
- and the wrong topper, but luckily I could veto that one before it was put on.
+ got a new bedliner
+ shopping
- gained 5 lbs from eating all that food.
- lost my camera
+ but found it 2 days later.

Be entertained by what entertains me:

tints, BITCH:

sunset over the barn:

really cool car I saw today:
Friday, November 19th, 2004
5:25 pm
Today was a little hot for my preference.
I like when the weather is chilly, because then it's just sooo enjoyable to ride.
Days where it is too hot, I really don't enjoy having to peel my breeches (riding pants for those of you that dont know...) off my sweaty legs.

I cant wait for Thanksgiving break.
And Christmas break.... shiiit.

School has been hectic as all hell lately. It honestly seems like I live on campus. And not like, in a dorm... like in the classes/library.


Most recently: fucking with black + whites:
Saturday, October 30th, 2004
5:42 pm
Re-pierced the left eyebrow...
mmm fuckin bloody and swollen..

you wanna lick it, I know.

p.s. Why did I do this? It was like, a centimeter off from being even with the right one. Yes, yes I am this neurotic.

p.p.s Guess I forgot to tell all those who read my LJ I cut the dreadz...
Thursday, October 14th, 2004
3:59 pm
I am fucking brilliant, in case you forgot.
Today, I hit a wall in the parking garage. YES.
I was thinking really hard about the 2 exams I was about to take, in addition to not hiting the 2 cars around the empty spot.
WOW... I am awesome. Luckily it just like, barely scratched the bumper... ohh well...
So I had the 2 exams today, I've got 1 more tomorrow, a quiz Monday, a 10 page paper due next Thurs.
And my birthday is in the midst of all this??? F-u-c-k.

Monday, October 4th, 2004
2:07 pm
I was learning about n-th derivatives...after studying for hours, deleriously watching a cd lecture when:
"..you will find that the 1st number in the numerator is 4!, commonly called four factorial... or as I just like to call it ... FOUR!!!"
This was the funniest thing ever. I bust out laughing....
Today I begin to tell this joke to someone...
...thankfully I stopped myself, upon realizing that something like this is only funny to me....
anyway, well the truck is getting serviced today..my engine ... sounds like sorta when you hold a stick to a fence when your walking past it...clickratte clickratte clickrattle...
I guess since you listened to all my nonsense, a picture:

Friday, September 17th, 2004
7:59 pm
Birthday list, part 1
I'm gonna make a list of stuff I want for my birthday. (10/20)
Maybe if you love me, you'll obtain some of this for me..eh?

- Ariat half chaps
- anything My Little Pony.. including the toys... LOVE em.
- Twiztid jersey w/ pot leafs
- Juggalette gear
- Ecko Red cheerleader dress
- ta-fucking-ttoos

more to come...BUAHAHA...
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